The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
