so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
