Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
