Are we in a gay sports bar?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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