On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
