I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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