my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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