Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
