i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
