we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
