I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
