dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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