Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
