There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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