Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That accounts for only three of the penises
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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