Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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