the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
