I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
