My balls are so social today.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
