I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
