I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
