Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
