operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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