I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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