I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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