if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
