i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
