We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
