I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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