I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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