Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize