NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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