Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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