omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize