That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
