I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
