it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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