When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
