im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
