Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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