Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
