we're blogging at a bar
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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