i permit you to call me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Your cock deserves a montage
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
