i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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