I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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