the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
