FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
