i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
