Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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