But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
