so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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