we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
