fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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