my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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