drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
