So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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