After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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