I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
