somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you had me at cake vodka
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
