Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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