What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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