What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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