we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
