Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
