"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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