Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
