Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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