swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
