You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
