i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
