im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
