I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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