Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
