I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
